Hi Yongsheng!

Isn't it such a pity that when it comes to affairs of the heart, everything else becomes especially complicated and vulnerable?

My friend once shared with me that for any relationship to be considered a relationship, it has to be mutual and a two-way thing. That opened up my perspective. Likewise, in your case, it's only natural for your ex and you to get together since there were mutual feelings. And, as much as it sounds cliche, such things really cannot be forced.

Well, when it comes to stuffs like that, I tend to go with the idea of talking things out and clearing the air, even though I know not everyone will be receptive to it. But I believe that, as long as we did our part and our best in trying to salvage this friendship, it is up to the other party to decide whether he or she still wants to hold on to it as well. Plus, logically speaking, you aren't exactly at fault. Emotionally, well, it's irrationally subjective I guess? Especially if you're going to look from his point of view. Similarly, if after talking to him still doesn't help in changing his attitude, then I guess it's just best to leave it as it is for now. Just as feelings can't be forced, relationships (friendship in this case) can't be forced either. If he's truly your friend, let's just hope he'll learn to let go eventually. Let nature take its course (: (okay now this is REALLY cliche haha!)

On a side note, here are two phrasing stuffs you might want to consider looking at!

- "Although life....enjoyed each other company."
Since it's a group of guys, maybe changing it to "one another's company" might be more appropriate as "each other" seems to suggest the existence of only two parties.

- "When I reached, I went....like how we did last time."
I assume you are relating how you guys used to greet one another when you meet. Perhaps "like how we used to" might be better, because if I didn't remember wrongly, "last time" is used in another context. For example, "When's the last time you talked to your friend?" Or something along that line. Do correct me if I'm mistaken! I returned quite a lot back to my GP teacher unfortunately.

Apart from these, your post has been a good read! It's always saddening to realise the vulnerability of a friendship, especially through such an incident. Nonetheless, certainly hope things can still somehow work out between you and your friend along the way!  

Hi Yongsheng,

Your story reminds me of a SCIENTIFIC study by Oxford University that on average, having a new romantic partner causes you to lose two close friends.I agree with the conclusion of the study that we lost our close friends due to lost of time in communicating with them. However, your case is certainly an unique one.

My first advice is to invite all of your "gangs" from your school days and spend time reminiscing about the good old days. During the conversation, bring up the topic in a jovial manner. I believe that with the help of your friends from the old days, you and your friend can see this situation from fresh perspectives and perhaps even find it funny and humorous and have a good laugh over it. There has been many times where my friends and I found our fights in the past appear to be humorous. Furthermore, it is good that he already has his own girlfriend and perhaps will find his jealousy in the past as funny. Laughter will often heal many wound from the past.
 

Hi bro,

I like reading your posts, your tone always feels very colloquial, and I can almost hear your voice as I read the words. It's very natural and personal, which is nice.

I won't judge about matters of the heart, but A definitely shouldn't have ignored you and struck you deliberately, but he should have spoken openly with you about how he felt.

If I were you, I wouldn't proactively seek out A, but I would wait for an opportunity to speak with him. It seems like you still want to keep in touch with A, because you still identify him as your friend. I think it's worth one last effort. Perhaps he still holds a grudge or maybe it's already water under the bridge. The worse case scenario would be he still ignores my final attempts to reach out, which I think is a risk worth taking.

Although it really is his fault, at this point I don't think it serves any purpose trying to deliberately extract an apology from him. I wouldn't shame him or otherwise guilt trap him into seeing my point of view. If I get the chance, I would let him know that I had no ill intentions and that I don't want this awkwardness between us two to marr the treasured childhood memories that the clique shared. If he is mature enough, he will understand in due time. He might even apologize and then we can laugh it over, like Eric suggested.

I've had the fortune not to have been in a similar situation, but that also means that I don't really know what it's like in your shoes, so take my suggestion with a pinch of salt.

All in all, this was a very compelling post. but it would be even better if you review the parts below:

...none of us had succeeded in...
...O-Level examinations...
... interactions, we eventually got into a relationship...
...usual court where we used to play...
...with my friends, just like old times...
...when I was dribbling the ball...
...pissed(angry/bitter?) at me...
A year later, I had broken up with the girl.  

This is an interesting conflict, Yong Sheng. You tell the tale quite clearly and concisely, with the main characters and the conflict easy to understand. (What's harder to understand is your friend's reaction: it's truly amazing what emotions a bit of jealousy/peer rivalry will incite.)

Also, like Han states, your tone is quite colloquial, which makes for a good story-telling "voice."

As a few peers have mentioned, your language use needs some review. Check this example:

1) If you are me, what would you do to resolve this conflict?

>>>

If you WERE me, what would you do to resolve this conflict? (similar to: If I were rich, I would buy a trip to outer space.)

In any case, thanks for the good effort!  

Thanks Hui Yun,

In fact, after so many years, both of us have already put behind all the unhappiness we have in the past and moved on. Although we still have the sense of awkwardness when we see each other, we will still talk in a group and none of us would mention anything about the incident in the past. Even if we do, I am sure we will take it lightly and take it as a childish wrong doing of our life when we were young. As we all are at different stages of our life now, i guess it is normal that we have lesser common topics to talk about and that should be one of the underlying reasons for the awkwardness that took place.

Nevertheless, thanks for your comments!:)  

Thanks Eric for your advice.

I believe all of us have already grown up and matured our thinking. Just like what you have mentioned, bring up the topic in a jovial manner and have a good laugh of all the stupidity acts in the past. I believe that is one of the solutions that will be effective! Everyone grows up and matures, and therefore we earn through the parts and parcels of life!  

Thanks Han for your advice.

Similiarly, I feel that your solution is one of the effective ones that will work out as well, just like what Eric suggested. After so many years have past, I think it would be better to bury all the past unhappiness and move on as friends again. We all are at different parts of our life now and we have different goals, that is also why we do not meet up very often nowadays. There won't be any friends who did not quarrel before, we fought and quarrelled and these made the bond even stronger as it became part of the defining chapter of our childhood.  

Thanks Brad,

I will constantly try to improve my writing skills, even after ES2007S is over at the end of the semester. All these i have learnt, be it the writing skills or interpersonnel skills that we have disussed, will always be remembered at the back of my head, for it is one of the learning experiences that helps me to due with the next chapter of my life. Thank you!:)